The story you are about to read was written by UNMINDFULFLIPPER and it should be known that all of the material was greatly researched as he wants to be known as a SEEKEROFTHETRUTH. As you PONDER the events I hope it brings you great interest and enjoyment. Though it may seem like a CELTICLEGEND it did not even happen in that part of the world.
It was a dark and stormy night! Hmm well, anyway it was, but this was rather earlier in the evening. The sun was just going down on APPLEBAY and it was during THISMAGICMOMENT that a DARKFAERIE on a mission of ill will SPOTTEDROSE who was minding her own business and studying the sky, as she has always been a COMETCHASER. Whispering a comment of “Now, isn’t she just the CATSMEOW, she burst upon poor Rose without warning and the demon used one of her favorite spells and gave her FROGLIPS. This did nothing to improve the poor girls looks and in fact made her resemble a cross between a SIMPYFROG and HOMERSIMPSON!
In the TWILIGHTPIXIE saw what had transpired and was devastated. Pixie is a LADYNAVIGATOR for the harbor patrol and she put her small vessel in high gear and rushed towards the beach where the terrified child was gazing into the water wondering what she had done to deserve this treatment. She had always pictured herself as being cute like KORRAILLI the bunny, so it was quite upsetting to see MRFROGGY staring back at her. She had never been a OKAMIFREAK but there it was, all of those strange pictures dancing in her head, After a few moments of bewilderment, the tragedy struck her with full impact and ROSELAid down in the sand and began to sob.
Knowing this CONTINUUM of events could break the PEGASUSSPIRIT of the child, Pixie knew she had to do something and do it quickly. She roared up to the beach and grounded the bow of the boat in the sand, jumped out and gathered up the girl as quickly as possible and hoisted her aboard the launch. (As a side note I must emphasize “as quickly as possible” was not that quick. Rose is not exactly a BONEGIRL and it took some effort to get her safely stowed.) She then leaped (kind of) aboard, backed away from the beach, turned the boat around and raced to the opposite shore, where she immediately began placing calls to friends to help her. She knew she could count on ELANOR and if she gave KATEMONEY she would help as well. She couldn’t reach him as he was out in the yard playing his TOMTOM’s, but ZINKSMOM said she would help as well. While on the phone she knew she sounded like a JERSEYHOTBLOOD, but it didn’t matter she had to do something.
After much excited chatter the four of them decided to contact JOE and get him and his REDNEKMOMMA known as MERITAE to aid them in their scheme to get even for this terrible assault. They couldn’t get him on the phone so they were going to leave a message on his door, but since Pixie is a SOUTHPAW and her scribbling might be hard to read they decided to text him. Now they had an avenging army, so to speak.
Joe answered shortly and told them he had an old LINUX program called SNAPPYDOODLE that would be excellent for the task at hand. It could project a DESERTPAINTing into the sky while broadcasting a SWANSONG so alluring it would dazzle all who listened to it. With the villain thus distracted they could have an old RUSTLER friend of his to use a NAGINATA, the tip laced with large amounts venom from the ORBWEAVER, to subdue the enemy long enough to get her in shackles. Though not usually used this way the hero decided to throw the weapon as he insisted he didn’t want to get any closer than he had to and “My aim is as good as ANNIEOAKLEY’s !”
Once everything was ready everyone returned to the scene of the crime and set the works in motion. Just before his toss someone whispered, “ JIMMYNOW you be sure and get a clean hit.” The throw was indeed good and accomplished the desired effect. The subject was quickly overpowered, her MIRANDA rights read to her, and was lead off to face justice.
This NIGHTMARE is thus ended and all who have read it should always remember: Do not EVERLEND out money. I don’t know what that has to do with this, but thought I would throw it in for free. Oh yeah, I know what I was going to say. When you do wrong there is always the PIPER to be paid!
p.s. I wanted set this all on a DESERTMORNing, but it just didn’t want to work that way!
I apologize to, or maybe congratulate, any Mod or Admin I somehow missed!